While her corpse had been laid in the drawing room, I felt impassive. People expected me to burst out. I dint. Not that I couldn't emote. I dint feel like emoting. I felt detached. Unmoving. That is how our relationship had been. I was completely estranged from her though we lived together.
“You'll understand my pain only when you give birth to a kid and when she spits fire on your face. ”
“Let me see how you bring up your kid.”
“I'm sure your life is going to be screwed up so badly.”
“With this attitude and pride, you'll never come up in life. You'll repent for your words against me.”
All these phrases kept resonating in my ears. She had always used either one of these to end our argument and left the place. The same happened a couple of days before her accident. Once again, we weren't in talking terms. All I received was a phone call that she met with an accident and she lost her life on spot.
I made arrangements for the cremation. My dad and brothers couldn't recover from her demise. They loved her better. I loved her long back. Though she was my mother, things never worked between us. For some unexplained reason, she cared less about me. At times, loathed me. It took sometime for me to accept that not everyone is blessed with a perfect mother. I started being neutral about her.
She was a very sweet woman in the society. Innocent. Caring. What-not? My brothers felt the same, but never did I. My parents never shared a healthy bond and she kept whining about dad always.
Whatever, exactly a year after her death, I was 25 and married a guy of my choice, Sathish. At 27, I gave birth to a beautiful baby, Aradhana. My conscious always told me I would make a great mother. I was determined to be a mom Aradhana would want me to.
My mother's words were pulsating on my ears every now and then. I badly wanted her soul to see the way I brought up my kid. I knew bringing up a kid isn't an easy deal. I paid immense attention on Aradhana's growth.
But during every phase, mom kept flashing in my mind. The way she taught me to walk, to read and write. Her culinary skills. Her sweet voice. Brilliant administration skills. Finance management. I started realizing how my mom had managed every single crisis at home in spite of her limited education. My dad never bothered about my schooling or about our family in the initial days. Her work had never been recognized, never appreciated.
On the contrary, Sathish was everything to me. And to Aradhana. He knew our every step. He took care of all the financial management. He encouraged me to pursue my passion. He was there every time, whether I needed him or not. I started realizing what my mom had missed.
Aradhana grew up. She was clever, talented and an achiever. She excelled in her passion. She had those expressive green eyes. Just like my mom. Extremely sweet voice. Just like my mom. And she often told me “I love you Ma. You are the best”. Unlike my mom.
Years rolled on. I was on my death bed. I had a happy, contented life. Every single happening in my life, after my mom's demise, was exactly the way I wanted it to be. I'd been an awesome wife. A caring mom. Sathish & Aradhana's tears made me feel that I'd served my responsibilities right. None of my mom's curses came true. But, somewhere I felt my life had been incomplete.
My mom's image again flashed on my mind. That beautiful face. That child-like smile. If only my mom had had a mother like me and a father like Sathish, she would have been as successful as Aradhana.
Aradhana kept uttering my name and holding my hands. I could barely hear her voice or feel her touch. Finally, my soul was out of my body.
Here I'm traveling to Yamalok. I'll reach ChitraGupta's office in few minutes. I'm feeling heavy. I've no clue why. I believed in life after death and I wish I could see if my mom's soul is around. I wanted to know why we weren't getting along together. I've reached CG's office now.
ChitraGupta : Welcome to Yamalok Lalitha Ma. Our records say you've been tremendous on Bhoolok. We would like to send you directly to Swargha without any investigation. Is there anything you'd like to ask me?
Me: Thank You ChitraGupta. I'm deeply moved by your words. I would like to know if I could meet my mom, Yashoda's, soul, by any chance? I would want to apologize for failing to love her. I could've been a much better daughter to her.
ChitraGupta: Ha ha ha. Yashoda Ma's soul? You were with her all these years Lalitha Ma. You never recognized?
Me: I don't understand ChitraGupta.
ChitraGupta: Yashoda Ma is reborn on Bhoolok. As Aradhana. Your Kid. She repented for the way she had treated you and wanted to nullify her mistakes. Hence she requested for reincarnation. You've been a wonderful mom and a fantabulous wife Lalitha Ma. That's the reason why you've been allocated to Swargha directly.
I'm struck again. I don't feel like emoting. Not that I dint want to, I couldn't. Now I realize. Those green eyes. That sweet voice. And specially, that I Love You. My soul will rest in boundless peace.
